We are clearing out my Mum’s house. We know we need to sell it but the house has been part of us for 67 years. Mum had a big input into the design and Dad built it. She wanted a kitchen that was immersed in the life of the place, not tucked away in a separate room as so many were back then. We had an open plan kitchen/dining area before it was a thing. And she wanted to be able to look out the window onto garden.
She wasn’t one to declutter, so there are many things in the house that are part of the fabric of our lives. I am looking at things afresh. For so many years this china plate, that side table, those books had just been in the background; now they have jumped to the foreground as we think about where they are to go. And it is these things that have been the trickiest for me.
I thought Mum’s clothes would be hard to deal with, as clothes represent the person. Who we are is expressed in our choice of what we wear. However, they ended up being the easiest for me. Bundled up and off to the op shop (or they will be when I get them there!). Maybe it was that they weren’t my size (Mum was always a wee dot of a woman) or often not my taste.
Mum loved scarves, and usually wore one every day. I have kept a number of them, as I have a project in mind. More on that at another time.
She also loved jewellery. Nothing expensive, necklaces, bracelets, brooches, ear rings. She never wore makeup, except for lipstick ~ that was compulsory ~ but every morning she selected jewellery and scarves to match what she was wearing. And perfume, always a spray of perfume.
There is a part of me that feels like we are dismantling her life, separating all these things that together made up who she was. It has to be done, I understand that. I also understand that my memory of Mum is not an accumulation of all these things. I don’t a shrine to remember Mum and Dad. They are within me. I am the person I am because of them, and they will be with me for the rest of my life.
My cousins have had a chance to go through the jewellery and select pieces to keep.They were delighted with their selections. I am comforted by the thought that each time they wear those earrings, the bracelet, the necklace they will think of their sweet Aunty Ro. Memories of Mum are widespread.
However, the dismantling is more complicated because this was our home for all our lives, the hearth of our family, where we would gather. Our place to return to for Christmas and birthdays and just to be together. So, letting go won’t be easy. But without Mum and Dad it is not the same place, and now it is time to let another family build their precious memories there.
(I was going to tell you about the embroideries I have brought home However this post has headed off in an unexpected direction and has taken longer to write than I expected. So the embroideries will be for another time. Maybe a series on “My Mum’s Things”!)
I respectfully acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land on which I live and remember β the Wurundjeri Woi-wurrung People of the Kulin Nation, their spirits, ancestors, elders and community members past and present. The land always was, and always will be, Aboriginal land.