Masculine Displays of Confidence
The cursor blinks on my screen, the steam has long since stopped rising from my cup of tea and if I don’t show signs of life soon my neighbour who walked past my window an hour ago may return and think me a mannequin. While my surface is still, my mind is anything but. I have been tasked to write with the theme of confidence. A simple word and an easy one to respond to for a short piece of writing, but then as I sat here, my thoughts strayed away from the predictability of self-confidence as a topic and instead fell into the wormhole of wondering why it is that confident people either repel or attract with seemingly little middle ground.
There are two sides to everything, and with this as accepted fact we have our starting point in which it is easy to separate confidence into positive and negative. There is a confidence that is arrogant and repels me. It barges its way into conversations, pushing its agenda and silences its critics with derision and distain.
And then there is a confidence that is so certain, so grounded in its truth, that it can listen to opposing opinions without feeling threatened, it can share space without having to change its shape and it has no need to shout because the truth has no need to convince anyone of anything, it is simply true.
I see these two types as based in different expressions of the masculine.
Toxic masculinity is rooted in fear, shame and hurt but because all of those emotions are dangerous to express, it goes on the offensive. Like a cornered animal, it makes itself as big and as loud as it can, dominating the situation to protect itself from what it perceives as a threat.
Balanced masculinity relishes the idea of a friendly battle, using its words to parry and lunge not with the need to hurt its opponent but to triumph through skill. This type of masculinity does not fear being proven wrong because that would come with learning something new, growing as a person and ‘winning’ in another way.
I say masculinity rather than male because each of us is comprised of both masculine and feminine energy and traits, and they are never stagnant. There are some days I am fully in my feminine, my focus is on creativity and I find it easy to empathise with and nurture the people around me, and there are other days when I am task orientated, my brain feels completely linear and I crave physical action. One is not better than the other, the only problem comes when we slip into the toxic aspects of either.
So, what does it take to be more confident in an open and receptive way? I think it boils down to having confidence in who you are rather than in your knowledge. Because the simple fact that there will always be someone more knowledgable than you remains. At the end of the day it isn’t about being the best and doing whatever is necessary to maintaining that status, it’s about having the confidence that who you are is not determined by what you know. Instead it is shaped and determined by how you show up and how willing you are to grow and to learn from both people and experiences.
So, I guess I have a new mantra… I don’t need to be right, I just need to be open.
Whether you are male, female or non-binary, how does your masculine show up?
This piece was written thanks to a monthly theme from Illuminate, a writing community from The Kindred Voice.
Read more stories on confidence from the other Illuminate members.
Masculine Displays Of Confidence by Adeola Sheehy-Adekale
Confidence Lately by Tracy Erler
When You Know, You Know by Laci Hoyt
Want Confidence? It’s All About YOUR Intuition by Christi Jeane